I walk out of my last period of the day, biology, with my mind on complex things that have nothing to do with genetics, which we are learning about this unit. My hand is in my pocket, not the one I recently stuffed with folded biology assignments,but the one holding the note I’m going to have to give to you very soon. In the next five minutes soon,I think with self-pity soaking into those 6 words until they were drenched from top to bottom. My heart pounds with dread as I get closer and closer to my destination-to you.
As I am walking down the halls, I try to distract myself with anything I could find. My friend Lindsey making bad choices once more, walking pressed up against her dumbass man-whore on-and-off boyfriend Luke who has cheated on her, by current tally, six times. Whispers of hallway gossip. A boy I can’t stand getting dumped by his girlfriend. The smell of bleach wafting from the bathrooms nearby that the janitors have already stared cleaning. A girl asking out a boy with a sickly green color on her face. Anything.But nothing could distract me this time.
I’m almost to the bus area where you are when I am stopped by my friend Josh.“Hey, are you staying after school today for Martinez’s tutorials?” He asks, clueless to my internal struggle. “Yeah. You are too right?” “Yeah. But Keely your going the wrong way. What-” I cut him off. “I need to do this,”I stopped talking abruptly and pulled the folded up note out of pocket and ran my finger under your name.” I’ll be there in less than ten minutes probably. I’ll meet you there.”I finished. He nodded in understanding, which wasn’t false. He knew what had happened between us, right down the last gory detail.” Well good luck. Later Keely.” “Uh huh.” He lumbered off in the other direction and once again I was faced with my task. (Josh is big and bulky. So he lumbers.) I sighed and watched him go, wishing I could follow and forget this mess. But I had to do this. With that thought, I walked out of the school building and went to go find you among the many people waiting for the big yellow limos to arrive. (…I mean school buses btw.)
A couple months ago, it would of been easy to spot you from a distance, even in a large crowd. You, for a very long time, wore a bright neon yellow jacket everyday and all day, at least at school that is. Neon is easy to spot from afar among most colors. But recently, you stopped wearing it. After about two minutes, I spot you, talking to Melli,a freind of yours. She is laughing hard at something that you just said. I watch the two of you,and I feel a spark of unreasonable envy for Melli. You dated her a month or two ago,and you two separated and stayed friends. We didn’t. She can sit and laugh at the things you say and stand and talk to forever if she chooses, and I can’t even for a minute, and I might never be able to again. I realize I’m staring, and look away, then down at the note in my shaking, sweating hand.
I stand, waiting for one of you to part from the other. I don’t want to embarrass you in front of her.Finally, she walks away. My heart tells me to not be afraid and just go, but my brain is screaming for me turn back while I still can. Even my feet have an opinion.They are trying to somehow turn into cement so I can’t move forward. “This is it.” I whisper quietly to myself. “I’m being an idiot again and giving you another note.” I force my feet to move and make my way over to you.
You are making your way over to Melli again. I have to hurry. I force myself to move my difficult legs faster. Faster. Faster. Your getting closer. A Little way. I’m in front of you. You turned around. You’re no longer facing me. I’m there. My destination.”Sam!” You turn around. A look of frustration, almost hatred, pent up remnants of anger, and exasperation flashes through your eyes I and shows on your face for a split second before you look like normal Sam. Did I see hurt in your eyes though, or did I imagine it? Did I? I turn my minds volume down, and speak. “Um. This is for you. ” I go to hand you the note. Melli is watching. For some reason I can’t get myself to hand you the note. With a sudden spark of inspiration, I drop the note on the ground. I could see what he does with it(leaves it there, picks it up and throws it away, picks it up and takes it) if I hide myself and watch….. stalker-ish, I know…
I drop the note. “I don’t want-” you say. “Damn it Sam! I know you don’t want the note! Take it or leave it! It’s your choice!” I snap. “Bye.” I say, many tones softer. I turn, walking fast, looking back.
I arranged myself in the distance as planned. But I only got to see him pick up the note. One of my aquatinces that is extremely annoying pulled me away from my spot. “Keely!” She screeched. I sighed. “Carrie. What the fuck do you want?!” Unforunalty, many conversations between us go like this. ” Just to annoy you. ” she says with a giggle. I swear, I nearly slapped her. “Fuck Carrie! Why did you have to this this NOW!?!?” I say with restrained anger but annoyance in full force. “Ha ha! I annoyed you!” She says as she giggles like a five year old. ” Go the Hell away. This wasn’t funny in the least.” ” I sure will, my mission is complete!” She says, and skips off to annoy someone else. Go figure, she comes at the worst times.
I walk over to a spot we’re I can watch you. Soon,I realized I couldn’t find you. I panicked. But… then I saw you and my heart sank…you were getting on your bus… meaning I missed my chance…
To be continued……
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